Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Magician's Tattoo - Snippet from chapter 4


I know my previous snippet was from chapter 1, but I thought I'd give you a section where the comedy is so ouvert it's almost childish! In the word of Miranda's mum from Miranda "Such fun, such fun!"

                A cockerel crowed signifying the morning. Nathan awoke and walked past the cockerel perched on his bedside cabinet. Dreary-eyed he descended his staircase and entered his kitchen. He poured himself a bowl of cornflakes and drenched them in milk, slopping it all over the table. He pulled out his seat and sat down. It wasn’t until he’d almost finished his breakfast that he noticed Brian at the other end of the table, still wearing his purple dressing gown.

“Morning, Nathan.” Brian said in a wide-awake voice.

Nathan only managed to murmur his response, “Morning…”

“So, what do you think to my cock?”

At this, Nathan suddenly became alert and somewhat alarmed, “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“It is quite large, do you not think?”

“Brian, I haven’t seen your cock!”

“That is a shame. I went to a fair amount of effort producing one so big.”

“Seriously, I don’t want to talk about your cock.”

“Fine,” Brian seemed offended, “if you didn’t see it when it woke you up this morning, can I at least go and show it to you now?”

“Seriously I’m too tired to even finish this bowl of cereal— oh, you’ve transported us to my bedroom.” Nathan would have been shocked by the sudden change; but, due to the events of the previous day and his severe tiredness, this time he wasn’t.

Brian walked over to Nathan’s bedside cabinet and stroked the cockerel. “Nathan, I cannot believe your inability to fully observe your surroundings. How could you not have noticed a great big cock next to your bed.”

“Right now, that’s not the only cock I’m seeing.”

“Nathan, remember I am psychic, and I must say that your rudeness shocks me.”

“I’m sorry, Brian. It’s just that first thing in the morning I’m not exactly the friendliest of people.” Nathan was beginning to regret his remark, but then something hit him- “Brian, what the hell is a cockerel doing in my bloody bedroom?”

“Nathan, lower your voice. It is four AM and I don’t imagine that your neighbours will be best pleased with you waking them.

“FOUR IN THE...! Why the hell am I being woken up at four in the bloody morning by a flamin’ cock?”

“The cock is not on fire surely you can notice that? But, if you wish for a flaming cock then fine.” Brian pointed his finger at the cockerel and it burst into flames.

“What are you doing?” Nathan yelled whilst rushing to put out the flames.

“You wanted a flaming cock.”

Nathan sat down on his bed and buried his head in his hands. Brian made the cockerel vanish and then sat down next to him. “Nathan, we will get Claire back. I do not know how, but I promise to try.”

So, there you go:  a section from my novella where the centre of the comedy is the word 'cock' *he he*

Matt B


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